|It is since when the Creation has set in with its only Illusion (Maya) amongst all the
living beings? The cyclic way is as rampant as it was with the first couple. Only the
essence of illusion changes in the minds of men and women according to the constitution of
the physique and the stamina of the mind.
With the very advent of life in the body this illusion starts functioning and it stops only when the body ceases to exist. But, does it stop altogether with the death of the body?
I had this only question lurking in my mind likewise the mercury column in a barometer. The moment I would think about the incident concerning my own marriage affair, I used to get submerged in an ocean of sorrow.
How could I deny all the experiences which I had had during all those years? This single denial would lead me to deny the existence of the Omnipotent in toto. And, possibly I should not do that on the face of all the radical changes I had undergone.
Also, by virtue of those changes only I could get into the region of the Eternal Knowledge.
So, it struck me as to how this soul in a man acquires transformation for the higher order. The passion in a body is the spontaneous outcome. I had all the tunes stored within me. It was the Mother who had shown me Her manifestation in the Universe.
Nevertheless, it is a fact that as we clean the dirt and filth by means of water, similarly the soul in a body gets transformation by means of remaining akin to the Divinity. One might get this order in a single birth or it shall come within through a cyclic system of birth after birth .
Did I insinuate the Creators only system by my own deliberations, or was it really the Mothers bid within me receiving which I singled out myself just at the juncture of the marriage ceremony?
With this only pang all over within my mind, I left the house. Finally I took the vow of renunciation and started putting on coloured clothings of the Sanyasins order.
Life within me remained the same. Only one thing I could notice, that, really my mind had advanced into the interior and for the bigger part of the day I used to be attached to me only. Ill fed and ill clad I got pale and became weak to a greater degree.
The public places or even the villagers house where there were enough hum-drums, became boring to me. I had wanted to retreat to seclusion for better concentration of mind.
The small hut was undoubtedly filled with an atmosphere of dead silence, yet every moment I used to be taken away by the visitors squatted over the space. The same questions concerning their luck would be put to me season in and season out. I had to succumb to my knowing the hearts within and my ability to foretell their future would foster in a much more additions of new hands in the next day following.
Just before I had left this place for my house on the request of my father I had consumed a span of 4 long years in the path of deep meditation. The Mother had given me bid to sit for deep meditation in the vicinity of a Burning Ghat (where dead bodies are consigned to the pyre to put an end to the mortal state).
Almost in all cases the Burning Ghats are situated off from the localities. I had to cover the distance in the midnight and especially I used to go only almost during the New Moon nights. Unless otherwise wanted one never goes to this dreadful place; but I had my courses there to be administered only. The Tantra (methods and applications to get within the region of the Absolute) had caught me vigorously in order to manifest its essence from all possible angles and hence I had no escape from its wings of attraction. Undaunted by my will I used to sit in that dreadful atmosphere where only silence pervaded to that extent, with this only urge, that, may my flesh get wedded to my bones in order to get the Great Mother of the Universe.
The metaphysical state in a man is altogether a different phenomenon. Nobody knows when this particular merit will start functioning within. There are so many ways to acquire this virtue through different processes. But, the three ways to fulfill the enormous possibilities in the career of a man have been accepted as the golden rules.
First, we have our own pair of eyes. By seeing any new thing happening in our front we may adopt the theme and set in a motion of in working order by sheer way of constant practice.
Secondly, there is the way of getting initiation through the scope of hearing any order of idealism by means of our own ears.
The lessons are then to be established into perfection through a series of practice.
The best way to understand the secret characteristics is always possible if only our own conscience guides us with all the right justifications. The third process is definitely the highest of all the processes, because, there in that case we shall see, that, inspiration is always playing the foremost part to endure the hard test of the conscience.
All the three so very often helped me to understand the dialectics of the metaphysics. The only aspect that is covering the originality of the human beings can be realised only when the mind will be tuned up with the highest order of the metaphysics.
How long during our living state is it possible to remain within the note of the metaphysical order? A fruit in its ripe state gets detached from its stem and falls on the ground by the law of gravitation. Similarly, a mind in its highest order must rush towards his own soul being its final state of identity.
To attain this state one has to undergo much practice and a day might come when by means of all these practical efforts one might reach the apex.
It was since my boyhood I used to experience so many calls from within and outside. During the course of all those years a psychic power had influenced me and transformed my state of affairs into a realm of ecstasy.
Sitting in the secluded corner of Ramanathpur village I had enough scope to merge in the spacious ocean of concentration. Being apathetic to all other calls of reality in the dominion of the domestic field I was getting something queer towards the field of mysticism. It was on the verge of such an ascent I was called by my father to stand and face the nuptial ceremony.
A man marries at least with a little means of livelihood. I had not developed that stamina in me to earn my footing. Again, on top of everything I had all round but certain disqualifications. All these disqualifications are found only in the life of a Sanyasin. Out of which the foremost demerit is the vow of remaining a bachelor life long. A Sanyasins merit is fulfilled only when he sees Mother in every woman. After the marriage could be foiled under the guidance of my conscience, I slipped towards the Railway Station like a thief. Once again, with all my maturity in age, I had to make good my way, ticketless.
It was really difficult to eye-wash the watchful Railway Checker. Calcutta was far away off from the point I was dashed out of the compartment. It was Kharagpur Junction which is a place of big importance.
The strain in my mind and the great appetite in my belly made my head reel to a greater extent. Silently I had to accept the drastic step of the Railway Checker lying down. With a great mental strength I came out of the platform with the design to earning a little for my next journey towards the city.
It was not so easy in the light of which I had thought to earn certain means. The latest incident really made me embarrassed and so many counter-thoughts in the shape of perplexities all the while, since that day, was rushing within my veins. The chaotic state brought in a series of crises and had stupefied me, although nonchalantly I had wanted to overthrow all the awkwardness behind my ruthless measures to the marriage.
Initially I had the stigma pierced within my heart and the scars in time, made me stony with the result that I could not walk any further. A tree nearby was my only matter for relief. I sat down under the shade and bore the pains.
Up to that moment I had wanted the Gracious Mother to lead me by Her wish but I had failed miserably to grasp the next best course. Just as it is impossible to see the reflection of the moon on a surface of the water getting constantly stirred up by a hard breeze, so, it is absurd to understand any inference from the bid of the conscience being influenced by a hypochondriacal state of mind.
At least I had not wanted to retrospect the pros and cons of the diabolical act because whatsoever had happened was beyond my control.
The foremost issue with which I had been confronted with was to get a morsel of food. The passers-by had not the least inclination to pay any glance to my distressful condition. Neither I had the courage to extend my conscience at the mercy of those who were passing by me.
Finally the influence of the state of hunger cast all its stupor of restlessness within my mind and stretched me out to the mercy of one ordinary man. He cared so very little that he did not even halt for a while to hear my precarious condition.
The man in my front had all the wrinkles of grim phase over his forehead. Definitely he did not jeer at me. He soared to the maximum height of indifference. Hence, it was not possible for that passerby to lend his sympathetic role to my frantic appeal.
He who knows where the shoe pinches, will definitely be conscious of the nail within the shoe. Without any further loss of time I had given a forecast regarding his particular troubles he had had. Immediately his senses sprang up to the plane of a natural consciousness and turning towards me inquired if I had sought for any assistance.
Slowly he retraced his steps and came within my jurisdiction. Once again I repeated my sharp conviction covering his unfortunate state of affairs. In a kneel down posture and with folded hands he ascribed to my sayings as a prophesy of the highest order and did not, in the least, feel shy of surrendering to my feet.
I knew that ultimately the man would come out victorious from the fold of the horrible litigation. But, I was not in a mood to shine the distortion of his apathetic state which he had developed within his mind due to a formidable disorder into his domestic issues.
Really by that time I was exasperating due to abstention from taking any food for a longer period as well as I was feeling thirsty beyond any expression.
It was the man in my front who could guess my ailing state and requested me to come along to his house. With the least reluctance I agreed to his proposal and exerted my all-out energy to cover up the distance. For four consecutive days together I swayed my own self in the stream of that family and became one in them.
Soon the exhaustion in my body got transformed into normalcy and the disruption of my mind was coloured into insignificance because all those days, in that house, I was excluded from the category of an ordinary man.
Life seemed to me a part and parcel of the celestial order and a tidal wave of divinity encroached upon my consciousness. In the midst of that exuberance I was feeling void somewhere. With a great pang within my heart I tendered my unwillingness to continue my stay any more which in turn broke them down.
I assured my host that soon the Great Mother would favour him to acquit himself from all the troubles. Accordingly, my passage for Calcutta was booked and with a heavy mind we saw each other off.
Finally, I reached the village and very soon my presence in the Ashram stirred up the villagers with a sense of jubilation. Alas! they did not know about the catastrophe I had perpetrated only a few days ago in the carrier of an innocent girl!
However, I had all the hatred for concealing a truth. Without any hesitation I reproduced the calumnious incident I had administered on the face of my fathers goodwill. This much I could make them understand that the marriage could not be fruitful as desired by my parents. I was undoubtedly adamant to stand the stead of either any appreciation or denunciation given to me by the villagers. Everybody knew that I was a believer in the role of my destiny and they had no option but to tolerate me by any means.
By dint of my natural inclination towards the path of the Divine Order, immediately I took recourse to the practical assertion which I was lagging behind due to my shifting of the place. At midnight again I started going to that Bathing Ghat in order to do Pranayam (a particular process by which the breath is controlled).
It was really the mysticism that would add my passion to see the luminosity of the cosmos. Gradually I felt that my gross consciousness was getting, day by day, transmuted into a mass of fine consciousness. He who has attained this state is really a very fortunate man. When an ascent into this region is established and endured for the maximum period, then, and only then, we may term the Sanyasin as a great ascetic. It was this urge that would enkindle me to the extent.
Calmness within all the spheres of agitation became my first reward, adjustment of anger led me to install the essence of equity in each stress and strain, and finally the reconciliation of my lust enabled me to feel the presence of the Mother in the womanhood. The tinge of ego was thus getting strained off for the final outcome. All the rigorous incarcerations were leading me to a blissful state and my craving for this bliss knew no end in practising all the Yogic exercises I had learnt through the Grace of the Mother.
The daytime could be spent in my small hut either by means of Pujahs or through the scope of foretelling the future of all those coming to see me.
The news of the Mothers influence within me got scattered within the circle where as a boy I had spent my time in the past. Since I had come to this village, I had ceased to go to those places of Calcutta. My well-wishers of the past had called for me. But, it was otherwise with my habit, and hence I had to stall off their request for the time being.
Rather, I started visiting the houses of the interior villages and used to stay with those people with whom the Mother would bid me to do so.
Was it a fact, that, myself being an illiterate by all means I had the only privilege to mix with the villagers who were mostly illiterate? By chanting the hymns or by means of a special type of Pujah that I used to do in their circles they at least saw in me a priest cult for which those simple villagers had a typical attachment.
Nevertheless, meditation means a constant practice within the region of mind. I had that scope all around me and those villagers, being God fearing persons, used to maintain a particular environment so that they might develop calmness and serenity.
Wheresoever I would go I never missed to come back to my own village hut on the New Moon nights with a view to worshipping the Mother at the Burning Ghat.
As a believer, in the existence of a Force which is controlling the whole universe, I had the only desire to transform my all self into a mass of Her Own. I used to cling to this typical attitude all those years and while practising in this path of Yoga I had my eagerness kept alive in the issue that may any all actions become Great, and the tinge of ego get lost in the essence of the Omniscient Being.
Whatsoever, my Yogic exercises used to drag me always within the region of the Supreme core. A typical attitude all over my countenance would influence the villagers. With all their adamantine nature* they extended their desire to accompany me at the Burning Ghat in a New Moon night and had wanted to watch my particular mode of Sadhana.
So long that was my own secret affair, but I could not avert the strong will of my neighbours. All my warning bore no fruit.
The particular Blue Moon night had the great coincidence of the Ratanty Kali Pujah which, in general, falls in the winter in the month of February. Darkness in this particular night is really dreadful and to think in terms of getting within the region of a Burning Ghat might set in rigours within the heart.
With all my command in me I had wanted them to determine their sheer curiosity but they had tendered their toughness, tooth and nail.
At last they had decided to go to the Burning Ghat with half a dozen of Petromax lights along with a few lathis (sticks). The party comprising of more than 15 headstrong people finally accompanied me that night. As advised, they remained at a point which was fairly away from me. The Burning Ghat was converted into a place of a festivity with lights flooded on all sides. It was a fact that they had suspended their breath in their heart of hearts. Motionless and expressionless they had been watching my Pujah with all the formalities which I was observing myself.
I was carrying my Pujah, stage after stage and at last that fierceful moment suddenly took everybody over. A few minutes ago even there was not the least probability of any storm. But, it was a hard gale which started with a groaning sound within the vicinity of the Burning Ghat and took a giant toll in the hearts of all waiting there. Soon the lights were deprived of the glow and gradually very many Petromax lights showed signs of flickering in the mantles.
It was at that time when I had drawn open the blade of a sharp knife with a view to piercing my forearm. By the time I had done my best to sacrifice my own blood at the feet of the Mother, then, forthwith the storm got much more vigorous and turned the Burning Ghat into a pitch dark atmosphere causing enormous fear into the heart of each individual. The terrific note of shrill whistling sound was about to burst the ear drums. The senses within knew no barriers and everybody deserted their group feelings and started running, helter-skelter, with the last hope of remaining alive elsewhere.
With their amazement they found that barely they had crossed the border of the Burning Ghat than the natural atmosphere of the season could be seen all round. Abnormality in the natural breathing made everybody fatigue. When the exasperation in them got reduced to the minimum, they had the first privilege to discuss what they had watched a little ago.
It was darkness everywhere. Once again, unanimously they expressed the desire to light the Petromax and Hurricanes. With the ray of the light spattered over the countenance of all those there, a note of helplessness mingled with an awful fear could be located in the face of all of them. The light had wiped out all the signal of terror and a state of tranquillity was gradually influencing the grim situation.
Valour and heroism are always a matter of a state of complacence; seldom the reality is brought to its basis by a very few workers. It could not be given to the desired shape by those ardent villagers on that occasion. Everybody attaches pride to his egoistic designs, but is not the Nature more powerful to thwart the strength of the mortal man! Yet, so very often all forget this background which is playing mysteriously by remaining ever invisible!
Those people within themselves came to logger-heads and wanted to escape from the pot-hole of the intimidation. They were finally ashamed of their own conduct and did not conceal the act of blasphemy, they had made prominent, by fleeing the place.
There was the source of Shakti (Power) for which I had engaged myself to explore with the gracious blessing of The Mother, but the poor villager had misconstrued the actual phenomenon and deplored the advent of the Goddess Mother which was within the immanent.
Although the humble villagers made up their mind once again to get back to the Burning Ghat, yet, they started stammering as and when they reached the border of that dreadful scene of operation. With a deep breath and a magnificent courage they walked within the Burning Ghat. By then, the fierceful dancing of the Mother Kali had stopped and instead, there was prevailing a placid and quiet silence.
To their utter surprise they had found that a great notoriety with all the shades of cruel onslaughts had blown off the very altar which was prepared just a while ago. The trace of my mortal being had vanished from the place. Once again, they were shaken within their nerves, and an abortion of their intellect had made them dumb-found.
Before long a state of unconsciousness might grapple them, they could detect me in a half-dead state with my face stuck within the gully-pit of the pyre in that Burning Ghat. They drew me out of the place and sprinkled over my face the Ganges water that they had brought for the Pujah.
No sooner my consciousness gave vent to the circulation within my body than they had been curious to learn from me the awful mystery behind the incident which had shaken all of them to their finger tips. Actually it was a question of assimilation within our own heart just according to the intrinsic capability. When the emancipation, from the gross state of reality to a most subtle state of consciousness, is attained, it is not unnatural to get lost within the vibration of that state of Bliss-knowledge-Existence.
Who is there to explain the actual taste of sugar? Only by telling others that sugar is sweet shall definitely not clarify the condition. Similarly, the disintegration of I that I had had, was absolutely my own affair and it was beyond my wit to bring those villagers at par with that level.
Just as, by the process of induction, magnetisation is applied within an iron block, so, in the same way this self is transformed into the homogeneity of the Eternal Consciousness.
However, the severe transformation into the subtlety had engrossed me to the fullest extent and my earthly consciousness although was brought down, yet, I was not natural to my own gestures. With a great difficulty I was taken back from that place and all the villagers remained by my side from that time up to a good deal of time in order to see that I was not lost once again within that mysterious fold.
The Gracious Mother had chosen me as Her tool to display within me so many typical manifestations for at least three decades. I used to have very many commands so long only in my dreams. But, it became altogether a different occurrence during the time of performing my Pujah in that New Moon night. The Mother had appeared to me with all the Heavenly Jyoti (luminosity) seeing which I was struck dumbfound within my core and a supernatural phenomenon instead had caught me briskly with a view to destroying my ego.
Time and space intermingled into an incomprehensible state of infinite Creative Force. It is only the Divine manifestation that is ever pervading within this universe and the same is devoid of the proper realisation because the crust or Maya (illusion) has tendered its reciprocity to the working figureheads according to their akinness towards the Divinity or the superconscious statehood.
Being devoid of the superconsciousness within our feelings, we have formed a state of petrification in our own originality.
Actually I am constrained to assert, that, that is why, our deification to any deity has reached simply a state where we look into it as no better than a mere on-looker from the respective religion of view. The saints of every religion had the arduous feelings for this superconscious state and by virtue of being non-egoistic in their own individual self they could derive the Gracious Being within their core of the heart.
The Truth is always the same deduced in different ages by different seekers of any caste and creed and community. He who has realised the Omnipotent became ONE within the Lord and all his knowledge had the only fusion in the Omniscient, with the result, that, he could score the attitude of seeing sameness in the mass of the humanity, as well as could learn to read the pages of the human heartnay, the pages of the Universewithin the twinkling of an eye.
For months together I was completely out of nay individual sense. Question of meditation and the mode of performing the Pujah (worshipping) lost all its severity from within my urge. I had succeeded in the terrible trials and instead had all uncommonness in my common form.
How best this unique state is to be explained has always remained as a problem in the form of a great riddle. This much can be said, that, if we wish to store a little Ganges water in a bowl, then, in course of time the same may get dried up. But if instead we dip the bowl in the Ganges itself, them, the chances of evaporation shall never be pronounced
The fusion by means of this supernatural phenomenon exactly acts in a man likewise a bowl is kept immersed in the ever-flowing water of the Ganges. The meditation is required through the varied processes of Yogic exercise so long as the obscurity in the path is not cleared, or the projection of the self is not adjusted with the Inner Self. Once this is attained, then the Siddhi (final state of intersection of the self with the soul) is determined ultimately.
Howsoever, all my Pujah had lost all the formalities. I was within the spirit of the Mother with all super-consciousness. It is actually the environment which leads always to the prescribed path for which that particular environment is super-imposed from the very inception. A golden ring is embedded with a jewel. Both are required to hold the other. For anything that is precious will have to be retained by another means which is definitely valuable.
Similarly, we may treat idealism as a jewel piece and the idea as a golden ring. My idealism in that case was the Goddess Mother, and the idea, in turn, was like a substance composed of certain virtues being known as truthfulness, chastity or celibacy, patience, devotion and a note to surrender to self.
All the maladies with which we are confronted can be averted only when we have the above qualities harmoniously set within. In time of misery or at the time of happiness we must stick to the issues as the only means to form a cult for the attainment of the idealism. There should not be the readiness to acquire the novelties of changes every now and then.
A python within its constitution is hefty and lengthy. Nevertheless, it has the prowess to glide at ease with a terrific speed. When hungry it never fritters away from its own fold; rather, it waits patiently for its prey and all the time exerts its own phenomenon with a view to setting up within its belly a vigorous state of vacuum and thereby sucks within a range of half a mile from its own point. The place at its front gets the effect of pulling likewise a powerful magnet and even at that particular moment the eyes resemble the effect of a magnet with the result that whichsoever falls within the jurisdiction becomes forgetful of the next matter of incidence and is dragged within its fearful jaws. With a great devotion, as if, it had to undermine all the fickleness of its mind and waits patiently on its prey which might be termed as a note of surrender, too, within that restricted fold of its becoming a python.
Similarly, human beings from the functional point of view is tended within an environment from the very birth. In course of time the individual is developed according to that particular mode within which he or she had to come across
A good phenomenon is justified only when the conduct is tinged with the ratio of the activities concerning the category of the consciousness. But, a bad phenomenon being devilish will adhere to the state o beasts that is seen in the animal world.
The proverb says "Within the company of the great man, one can reach the region of the heaven; while the reverse, that is hell, is received through the scope of leaning against the mentality of the perverted beings."
Whatsoever, I had only an environment covering the cult of devotion and truthfulness from my very childhood days. Only the aspect of celibacy grew in my mind due to a natural inclination towards the mysterious fold. In this way I had certain other merits,the foremost being a note to self surrender,developed due to my akinness to the region of my destiny.
The severe type of formalities which I used to adhere to by means of a phased Sadhana got knocked off from my mental region. I was apathetic to my paying visits to the houses of the villagers. I was stuck up within the yard of my small hut.
But, this could not be prolonged to my will. I was given a bid to take up my old process in the form of paying visits to different villages nearby and afar from my hut. The wonder of wonders, this time was, that, it was the spirit of the Lord Sree Ramakrishna who had then ordained that sort of old activity.
However, I had got Sree Ramakrishna in my fold from now on. So far, I had not felt the presence of any dead person so very vividly as I had had concerning Him. Undoubtedly I could understand that the design at the background would lead me to fulfill certain missions in the distant future.
Silently with my head bent down I accepted the proposal and became alert to that profound call. Actually I had noticed that all my saying to the villagers became on the verge of becoming true to the extent.
My very presence would stir commotion in the mind of the villagers. None would have any shyness in extending his corroboration to my sound conviction. I had the greatest forces working with me, and that way I would roam from one village to the other.
Next Chapter: Death of my Parent