2/1/78
My dearest Mentor,
I am just getting over the severe shock of arriving in and traveling
through India prior to my settling down in this most peaceful ashram. It has been
certainly difficult for me to write in my journal as a reporter w/ an objective vantage
point as my involvement here is most personal. To be frank, I have been freaking out over
the cultural changes, language barrier and the practice of discipleship.
 My Guru is by all means a most unusual guide. His teachings are few, his
admonitions are unspoken and his worship is downright frightening. I am seeking God --
unfortunately there no path through the use of mind that will deliver. The experience of
God is not experience - simply because it is written that God is without the experiencer.
No word or thought in the mind can experience OM. It can formulate the concept and point
out a direction, but the only way to know (and be without the knower) is considered by one
of Baba’s disciples to be the "Glorious Suicide" -- not death of body (that
is transitory) but death of thought - surrender to that which IS. I can’t
fathom it. I just sit by him during his puja (worship), follow him during his walks around
the 3 temples here and do a lot of Japa (rosary) repeating "Om guru," or
"Om Ma" (mother). It quiets the mind and aids in concentration. Of what or on
what is beyond me. Ramakrishna said the wind of God or actual meditation is always blowing
- it takes japa or quit mind to unfurl the sail and so catch the wind.
The food is simple and delicious, the weather is blessing and our room -
right in the ashram not but 7 feet from where Baba sleeps - is cool and comfortable. I
sincerely don’t know what is going on. My journey is utmost in terms of priority - my
schooling, if it works out, will be a challenge, but I can’t worry too much about it.
I will do what I can to facilitate a worthwhile academic portfolio. Be healthy and keep
these letters in my file for future reference.
most confusing,
Jeff |
