Premananda's letters to Nellie 3

OM! Baba asked me to write to you his thoughts which I have just done, and now I thought I would write to you directly. I hope all is well by now. Being around Baba all the time, I see how much he is always suffering for us. I am always amazed to see this incredible love. He does, indeed, feel happy when we are happy, and sad when we are sad. I am overwhelmed to be here. To stay by the side of this Son of God is my only heart’s desire.

The buildings are going up slowly. Baba’s room is being finished now, and I am writing from the new room facing it. I am sorry to say that all this business with the money and the building has caused Baba a great deal of sorrow. He says he didn’t want anything; he only wanted his disciples to be happy, but that somehow sorrow and bad thoughts always seem to come with money. All this has caused him such anxiety, sorrow and pain that there were several times that we thought he was on his death bed. He said that there was some poison that came with the American money and, of course, he has to eat it all. But now the rooms are getting done, he is getting happier about it every day.

There are four of us boys here now, and today Baba was happily planning out how we could do sadhana in the new room. He has actually been suffering much more from our not having a room of our own than from all this building and hassle. Within a week, Baba will have his room back, and we can move out of the library and into the new room. Bravo! We are, besides doing our sadhana, copying over Baba’s speeches from the tapes I have made. Slowly I shall translate these into English and, eventually, get them published.

I have been trying to facilitate Baba’s trip to America, but we still don’t know if he will go. You had said in your letter that MA knows if Baba should go, that MA will give the order, and Baba asked me to tell you in reply to that that you are his Ma, you are Brahmamayee Ma, and without your order he cannot do anything. He says he has five American Ma’s—and he sees all these as only the different bodies of his one Ma. He is always showing how he has five Ma’s on this left hand now, and five boys on his right hand. He says the fingers are all part of one hand, and the two hands are the tools of the one guru-god. So he is really waiting for your order as well as this invisible MA. Without an order from you, he will never come. It is those five fingers of the left hand that must bring Baba to America. Five fingers must work together or the hand is crippled. Baba takes orders from his Mothers—(left hand—five fingers) and gives those orders to his boys (right hand—five fingers)! Baba will not come to America without your order, and he can’t go to New York and then not Hawaii. He says you are his first, and it would be a fault on his part to go all the way to New York and yet not to his first Ma’s house. So please reply. Can enough money be collected from friends for a New York-Hawaii-New York ticket? How much will it cost? Do you want Baba to come? I can certainly raise some money, but not much…maybe $100 or $200 at the most. I feel it is important to the WORLD that Baba make this trip. I’ll tell you why later. As for now, Baba awaits your word.

OM. Jaya Guru,

Premananda