Premananda's letters to Nellie 2

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March 20, 1975
Ananda Ashram
To: Mrs. Nellie Hart

Dear Brahmamayee Ma,

Baba wishes me to write to you to give a progress report on things here at the ashram. I arrived here with my two friends, Glenn Weiser and Michael D’Angelo (now Yogananda and Nityananda) on March 11, Sivaratri, the anniversary of my dikka from Baba. We had gone overland for lack of money for plane fare, and as soon as we arrived (after three weeks of travel), we collapsed for three days with diarrhea and vomiting. Now, by God’s grace, we are all well again and plunging ourselves into the work for which we came. Such a strange work! It is really God’s play. My only desire now is to stay with Baba. I feel like a one-year-old child who wants to cling to its mother and must follow her everywhere. In Baba’s presence, I realize my lack of understanding, and this realization is more precious than all the so-called knowledge in the world.

Baba wished me to tell you that the construction of the "ashram improvements" is now to begin. Bricks are being carted in as I write this, and we shall begin to draw up plans today. A kirtan house will be built in front of Baba’s room, and Baba’s room will be completely rebuilt. Also, a guest room will be built as well as a proper bathroom. Baba says that after this is all done, and I have a chance to learn more Bengali, he will come with me to America. He also has a mind to go to Hawaii, I think. Who can understand God’s lila. I feel like his puppet now. Baba must pull the strings. He talks of leaving the body after his trip to America, and this terrifies me and strikes me with deep foreboding of sorrow. Jiten says he talks like this off and on and not to take him seriously. I hope so, but the very thought makes me realize that we must go quickly to the goal of oneness with God.

I hope you are well and happy. Baba sends his blessings to you. The money we sent is finally being used, and the three of us are hoping to join the building work in earnest. Michael and I also are planning to build a bamboo geodesic dome-type temple to Ramakrishna and Baba himself where the guru may be worshipped. We don’t know how to do any of this, but we shall learn by trial and error. With Baba around, there is strength to try anything, to dream any dream, and believe it possible.

Dear Mother—please be aware of the great blessing that has come on us all to know this wonderful God-man. Never forget him and pray to God he will stay with us long enough to teach us everything. The bricks are being stacked up even now, and soon our true home shall have been expanded. Now we are nine, and only one more shall come, Shukananda. Let us prepare ourselves as best we can to do the will of God/Baba. Please be well and write to me/Baba when you can. All my love and pranams.

Your son,