Premananda's letters to Nellie 12

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October 5, 1989

Dear Nellie,

Well, I have gotten back here to LA and have been getting acclimated again. It is strange, I get the same kind of chest/head cold coming here as I do when going to India. I figured out it is really getting used to the much wider variation in temperature between day and night. It gets quite hot in the day and cold at night.

It was certainly good to see you for two weeks, and I am very happy about that. Your good company (satsang) brought me right out of the pits and into a much better state of mind. I have no idea what I am doing, but it doesn't really seem to matter!

I am reading into The Final Truth now and liking it very much, except when he gets me so mixed up with subject and object talk. You said it got good after the first book, but really I found the first book to be really helpful in many ways. And I can see that it can be a good rest from the terseness of Maharaj sometimes. I will probably start reading The Final Truth again as soon as I finish it!

Truly the teachings Maharaj have brought me to a whole new state altogether, and I marvel at it sometimes. The person I was is dying and dying now, and I like it very much. Last night I sat before sleep and plunged deeply into it, and it seemed there was this powerful fullness so near, almost there to touch. Never has meditation been so effortless and so obviously the thing to do at all free moments night and day. And if I get upset or wander away, I just read a little Maharaj, and I am back on track again. Really, no book and no teaching ever affect me this way before. That is how I know that that part of the search is over. Search for true guru was over with Baba, and now search for true teaching is over with Maharaj. Who knows what is next?

I have been mostly reading and working at the computer. Ken and I will go tomorrow to look at some video computer/animation machines. He wants to expand/update his business, which would mean some new work for me. Our program for the camera is basically done. I'm not sure what to do. I will see what comes up. Really, I don't care anyway.