More letters from India 15
by Premananda

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March 20, 1978

Dear George and Glenn,

I got your letters today, and I’m glad to hear that preparations and plans are going on. Sorry I haven’t written much. I’ve been writing to so many people, it seems that’s all I do.

#1 Glenn, don’t you dare ask Ramprasad for anymore money, you idiot! How could you think of that? He has already given so much, and he has given something far more valuable which I pray you will one day be able to give. Besides, if he comes to see Baba, it will be all the more expense.

#2 I wrote a story to Tom about an incident here. In view of it, I would think it best not to buy or make a contract to buy any land Baba has not seen and OK’d. It would be foolish. Renting is OK. But even then, I am very nervous about trusting Toni’s sole judgement in that. Anyway, I’m not going to worry.

The two months of worrying about Baba here have taken their toll, and I am in no condition to worry anymore. Very weak and sleepy a lot of the time, and Baba also very weak lately. We will go to his birthplace after Holi. Jeff and Mark should be back soon, and they will be going back to U.S. by May to help get ready. I will apply for visa extension (ha, ha). A disciple named Rabi will probably come with Baba. If it works out, I might be able to board their plan in London. Changing any ticket will be difficult if not impossible.

So far I’ve had only a bad throat infection and a wicked toothache plus the general lethargy lately which is very frustrating. The Mind is reading Aurobindo lately in whole new light. I don’t go anywhere, not even Jiten’s—only Calcutta on business and to doctor’s for report and medicine. Baba gets upset if I go anywhere. Where is there to go from here anyway? On Sivaratri, my diksha day, I had a wave of weakness and feeling I would never get anywhere spiritually or otherwise. Baba resolved it all right, but the mind is in some turmoil. I think Baba’s trip is the main thing, but it is hard to get anywhere concrete with him in making plans. One must basically stick the passport {wording cutoff bottom of page} do this or that?

Well, anyway, Jay Hok, not in a very good mood tonight. Giant pressure on the ego to cram itself. Glenn, how can you possibly fear death? What a wonderful release it must be. Anyway, time to rub Baba’s tummy and wonder what it all means. Last night he told me "1-2-3." He said that was all there was, "1-2-3." He said there was a man who said "1-2-3" all the time, everyday, and got God that way. He said everything is there. I was thinking of trying it.

Love, Bill